


Gone

by WeirdEmmaline (DeliaDestruction)



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-24 11:30:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7506547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeliaDestruction/pseuds/WeirdEmmaline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Force deals Obi-Wan Kenobi yet another desperately awful hand in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I love you, I love—” Qui-Gon Jinn disappeared quite suddenly beneath the choppy, black water, leaving Obi-Wan Kenobi reaching out to emptiness, a terrified expression plastered on his face. Seconds passed, turning slowly to minutes, and Qui-Gon did not come back up for air.

“Master?” Obi-Wan called, scanning the darkness of the river for any sign of the older man. Occasionally, something vaguely resembling his master’s head would surface, but before Obi-Wan could figure out whether it _truly_ was Qui-Gon or not, the object would be sucked below the surface once more. The sound of the water racing over the rapids was deafening, drowning out the padawan’s voice. _“Master!”_

He reached out with the Force, trying desperately to find any evidence that his master was still alive. _I love you, I love-_ Obi-Wan refused to let those be Qui-Gon’s final words, but he couldn’t feel Qui-Gon there anymore. He shook his head. He refused to believe that he could really be gone.

Clawing his way out of the river, Obi-Wan collapsed on the rocks at the riverbank. It took him four tries to pull himself to his feet, and then he only managed to stay standing because he stumbled forward until he ran into a tree. He clung to that tree, forcing himself to stay upright as he peeled his cloak off.

“Master!” he shouted again. “Qui-Gon!” The only answer that Padawan Kenobi received was the roar of the rapids and the ambient forest noise that surrounded and seemed to consume him. _“Qui-Gon?!”_

His legs didn’t want to work properly and he staggered and stumbled along down the river, scanning the surface in the moonlight. Searching desperately for any sign of his master. _He can’t be dead. He can’t!_

“Qui-Gon? Qui-Gon!” Obi-Wan shouted for his master until his throat was raw, but he received no answer. Somewhere around morning, he passed out beneath a tree. In his dreams, he walked side by side with his master. Qui-Gon looked happy. Obi-Wan could almost feel the warmth of his master’s body so close to his own.

“I’m so glad you’re safe, Obi-Wan,” his master purred. The older man’s beard tickled at his ear as he spoke. “I’ll be with you always.”

“Master? Master, don’t talk that way, you make it sound like—”

“-Padawan Kenobi!” A sharp voice woke Obi-Wan quite suddenly, and he found that he was alone. His master was not there with him, as he had been in his dreams. And that was his fault. “Over here! He’s over here!”

It was only then that Obi-Wan recognized Master Windu’s voice. Why had Master Windu come all this way? Who the kriff was he talking to?

“Master Windu?” he murmured, lifting his head to look at the approaching Jedi Master. His face bore a look of utmost concern tinged with relief. Obi-Wan’s face twisted into an expression of confusion before becoming incredibly hopeful. “M- Master Windu! Has- Has my master been—?”

“Shhh. It’s all right. You’re safe now. We’ll get you back to the Temple, and—”

_“Master Windu, where is Qui-Gon Jinn?”_

“We… have not located Master Jinn yet. Rest assured, we _will_ find him, Obi-Wan.” The master knelt beside the padawan and checked him out briefly before helping him to his feet. “For now, we must get you back to Coruscant.”

“I’m not leaving without my master,” Obi-Wan protested. “I can’t. He wouldn’t leave without me!”

“Padawan Kenobi, we _will_ find him. Your place, until such time that we _do_ find him, is at the Temple.”

“ _Please_ , Master Windu. I _can’t_ just leave him here. I can’t.”

“You have to. Until we are certain of the origins of the Force-dampening qualities of the soil here, we cannot allow you to stay.”

“But my master—”

“There is not room for discussion on this, Obi-Wan.”

The young man glared at the council member, but when the healer and another knight came to retrieve him he did not fight them. Obi-Wan allowed himself to be led away from the river that had claimed his master and nearly claimed him with just one long, wistful look back over his shoulder.

~x~x~x~

Once he was back at the Temple, he was kept in the medcenter for a day and a half before being released to his own custody. He was close to taking the Trials; if Qui-Gon wasn’t found soon—

Obi-Wan shook his head as he exited the medcenter, his fingers absently running along the braid that hung behind his right ear. His master’s hair was intertwined with his own. Aside from a couple of cloaks forgotten in the padawan’s quarters and the Force-sensitive rock that he kept in a pouch on his belt, it was the only thing he had that were uniquely Qui-Gon Jinn to comfort him in his master’s absence.

A choked sob escaped his lips and he quickly brought trembling hands up to cover his mouth, muffling any further sounds. He was thankful that the corridor down which he walked that afternoon was nearly empty. Master Yaddle stood talking to a tall human knight that Obi-Wan didn’t recognize near the other end of the hall. From their non-reactions, Obi-Wan was fairly certain they hadn’t heard his moment of weakness.

 _Good_ , he thought, shaking his head as he forced himself to calm down. _No one ought see me like this. Get it together, Kenobi. Qui-Gon wouldn’t want you to behave like this._

He hurried to his quarters, where he planned to shut himself away until there was news about his master. But when he reached the door, he glanced at the door to his left. _Qui-Gon’s door._ Oh, how Obi-Wan wanted to ring the chime. How he wanted Qui-Gon to open the door and give him that annoyed look that had so often been what he’d been greeted with upon going to retrieve his master for something.

Most of all, he wanted to hear his voice one more time. Just one more time.

After a long moment, he hit the control for his own door and stepped inside his quarters. The door hissed shut behind him, leaving him in familiar darkness. For another long moment, Obi-Wan stood just inside the door, staring into the dark room as his eyes slowly adjusted to the lack of light. As he lifted his foot to take a cautious step into the room, he lost his balance and fell to his knees.

Without the familiar, comforting presence of the man he’d known and loved for more than a decade of his life just beyond the thin durasteel wall that separated their quarters, Obi-Wan Kenobi was lost. He had never felt quite so horribly lost.

He stayed there, curled up on the floor, for a long, long time. Slowly, the darkness of the room began to give way to light as another morning dawned and Coruscant’s sun was at the right angle to hit his window. Obi-Wan did his best to ignore it. He didn’t want to see the light. Without Qui-Gon, it didn’t seem worth it anymore.

Eventually, his door chime sounded, and he was faced with the decision of whether he wanted to answer it and potentially welcome bad news into his life. Deep down, he knew it was inevitable that a master or two would come and sit him down and gently explain that Qui-Gon was… That he… Obi-Wan couldn’t even finish the thought, but he _knew_ it was coming. That none of the other Jedi would believe in him.

That they all thought he was _dead_.

The chime sounded again, prompting Obi-Wan to force himself to his feet. By the time he turned around to open the door, however, his visitors has decided to let themselves in.

“M- Master Windu, Master Y- Y- Yoda. I wasn’t expecting to s- see you so soon,” Obi-Wan managed to choke out. _This is it,_ he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

The search for Qui-Gon Jinn officially ended four days after the night that had nearly claimed Obi-Wan’s life there in the river. No trace of his body was ever found. Obi-Wan Kenobi was knighted the morning before the search was called off, his braid cut off by Master Windu. It was a terribly somber ceremony and Obi-Wan was thankful that he was not required to speak more than a few required sentences.

Once knighted, Obi-Wan returned to his quarters. He answered to nobody but the council, but for now he would answer to nobody at all. To mourn was not the Jedi way, that he knew already, but there was no way that Obi-Wan could avoid mourning the loss of his master, his friend, his lover. He stood outside of his quarters for a long, long time before stepping over to Qui-Gon’s door. There were a few small memorials placed around the door— a small green candle, a padawan’s lightsaber that had clearly been fashioned to look like Qui-Gon’s, a few small cards with kind words written on them.

Obi-Wan placed his hand on the door and sighed. He’d always hoped that being knighted would be an experience he would share with his master. He had _never_ entertained the idea of becoming a knight without him. “Master…” he murmured, his voice barely reaching his own ears. “I miss you.”

“He closed his eyes for a moment before turning and stepping back toward his own quarters. One day soon, he would have to clean out his master’s former quarters. Today would not be that day.

As he opened his own door, the door to Qui-Gon’s quarters opened as well. A pool of blinding yellow light spilled out into the hallway. Obi-Wan froze, staring at the doorway. “M- Master?”

No response came from within the fallen master’s quarters. Hesitantly, Obi-Wan took a step toward the open door, cocking his head slightly as he tried to see inside. “Master? Is it- Can it really be-?”

Obi-Wan was trembling as he stepped into the doorway, shielding his eyes from the light and trying to see inside. Slowly, his eyes began to adjust to the light, he found he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. There, sitting at the foot of the bed, was Qui-Gon Jinn. “M- Master? But- But how-?”

Blinking hard, the young knight rubbed his eyes and stared in disbelief. Still Qui-Gon remained. “Qui-Gon!” Obi-Wan shouted as he bolted forward, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man.

Qui-Gon said nothing, but wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan and held him close. The younger man buried his face in his former master’s tunic, breathing deep his scent. It was him. It was really him. Obi-Wan couldn’t believe it.

“Oh _Master_ , I knew I would see you again, I knew—” As Obi-Wan spoke, the familiar smell of his master changed. At first, he wasn’t entirely certain what the smell was, it was faint and seemed far away. As it grew stronger, however, he realized it was the unmistakable smell of rotting flesh. Pulling his face away from the older man’s tunic, he realized that his face was wet. He knew that he was crying, but there was no way his face should be so wet as it was. And where was that awful smell coming from, anyway?

“Qui-Gon? Ma- Master, why aren’t you-” Obi-Wan tilted his head up to look Qui-Gon in the face and was met with the bloated, rotting face of a corpse. A terrified scream tore itself from Obi-Wan’s lungs as he tried desperately to free himself from the arms of the corpse that was holding him.

 _“Qui-Gon!”_ he shouted, sitting bolt upright in the doorway to his quarters. A master he didn’t recognize knelt nearby and was asking him questions he didn’t understand. His heart was beating so hard that he thought it might jump straight out of his chest. “Qui-”

He scrambled to his feet, staggering and landing on his knees more than once in the short space between his door and his former master’s. He _had_ to know for sure.

Obi-Wan fumbled with the door controls for a moment before managing to remember his master’s lock code. The door opened and he was greeted by the stale air and darkness.

“Obi-Wan, I really think you ought to go to the medcenter. You’ve got a pretty nasty bump on your head,” said the master that Obi-Wan didn’t recognize. Obi-Wan paid no attention to him. He took a tentative step into his former master’s quarters. He found the light control after a moment of sliding his hand along the wall.

Sadness and guilt filled Obi-Wan as he looked over the empty quarters. _Of course he’s not here. That was just a dream. Just a horrible dream._

“Obi-Wan?”

“I- I’m sorry, I’ll be fine. I’m just tired. I won’t need the medcenter today.”

“I really think you ought—” Obi-Wan held his hand up to silence the other man.

“I will be fine. Thank you for your assistance.”

The master stood in the doorway for a long moment before deciding to listen to Obi-Wan and leave him be. Obi-Wan stood in his former master’s quarters for a long time and breathed in that stale air that still somehow carried the older man’s scent.

When he closed his eyes, however, all he could see was that bloated, rotting face hovering so close to his own. He felt positively sick to his stomach now as he thought of his master.

 _That- That was his fate and it was my fault. He’s rotting in that river somewhere and it’s my fault my master died because of_ me _…_

~x~x~x~

“I love you. I love-” Qui-Gon’s mouth filled with murky, black water as he was forced below surface once more. The muffled screams of his padawan hit his ears as he fought to find the surface again once, twice…

He took a deep breath before that final time he was pulled below and he focused on letting the water take him where it would. He held his arms protectively around his head in a vain attempt to keep from smashing his skull against the rocks.

It didn’t matter. Nothing he did mattered. Forty seconds underwater and his lungs were burning. After a minute and a half, he was finding it difficult not to inhale every time his ribs or shoulder or knee painfully slammed into another rock.

At two minutes and twelve seconds, Qui-Gon made a desperate attempt to find the surface again. Confused and oxygen deprived and shrouded in near-total darkness, Qui-Gon had no idea which way was up. He flailed weakly as he exhaled and welcomed cold, horrible water into his lungs. Beyond the icy burn of the water choking his lungs, however, Qui-Gon found peace. His flailing slowed and stopped as everything stopped seeming so desperate.

As everything went white, he could’ve sworn he felt a strong pair of hands gripping his arm.


	3. Chapter 3

It was nearly a week before Obi-Wan exited his quarters again, once he had finally managed to tear himself away from Qui-Gon’s. Even then, he only decided to exit his quarters to retrieve food. He hadn’t eaten in all that time, at first because he had no appetite and then because he had no motivation. He wasn’t sleeping, he wasn’t eating… Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn’t doing very well after losing his master. He was not coping.

More than that, Obi-Wan Kenobi didn’t care. Even now as he slowly shuffled along through the nearly-empty corridor toward the nearest refectory he found himself trying to convince himself that the pangs of hunger he kept feeling weren’t really _that_ bad. But deep down inside himself he _knew_ he needed to eat. He knew he was growing weak. _Too_ weak.

Qui-Gon wouldn’t want him to allow himself to waste away this way and he knew it. That was the only thing that kept him moving along.

He was thankful for the quiet way he was allowed to pass through the halls with hardly anybody else around and utterly nobody deciding it to be a good idea to approach him. In fact, he was nearly safely back to his quarters with his food before anybody addressed him at all.

“Obi-Wan?” The voice caused him to flinch and turn away. _Nobody should see me like this,_ he thought. “I- I heard you were back at the Temple, but…”

“Bant. H- Hey. Can- Can we do this some other time? I’m rather busy at current, and—”

“Oh, _Obi-Wan._ _”_ His friend threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry.”

Obi-Wan bristled at the touch, closing his eyes tightly to fight back the tears that threatened to spill. “Please, Bant, I r- I really just want to be left alone.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but after a long moment Bant stepped back and nodded. “Of course. I’m here if you need me, okay?” Obi-Wan nodded.

“Thank you,” he murmured before hurrying to his quarters. He didn’t want to be stopped again. To think about Bant meant that eventually his thoughts would drift back to Qui-Gon. The two of them were so heavily linked in his past that he felt as though the loss was brand new again now that he’d seen Bant again.

Any appetite he’d managed to work up in the week since he’d last forced any food into himself was gone once again, replaced by the sick, shaky emptiness that had accompanied him for many of his recent days. Still, he forced himself to eat a roll and drink a bit of bantha milk. Once he had a bit of food in his belly, he curled up on his bed and tried to go to sleep.

~x~x~x~

Qui-Gon woke to find himself in what appeared to be a private medcenter. There were two med droids nearby, monitoring his vitals and doing other things he wasn’t entirely aware of. His head felt as though it was full of half-hardened duracrete and his vision kept blurring in and out of focus. He opened his mouth to try and ask where he was, but found that he couldn’t summon his voice. His throat felt as though it was on fire, as did his lungs. His limbs felt like they were filled with sand.

He couldn’t tell if he’d been drugged or if these were all side effects of having drowned and been resuscitated. Blinking hard, he tried to manipulate the Force.

Nothing happened.

Again, Qui-Gon attempted to manipulate the Force. Still nothing happened. Panic tinted his thoughts as he tried again and again to use the Force. He found he couldn’t even _feel_ the Force. What hell had he found himself in this time?

His breath caught painfully in his throat as a door hissed open somewhere out of his field of vision. Someone approached his bed slowly and deliberately. For a moment, the Jedi Master debated pretending that he was still unconscious, but he decided that would not do him any good. It was likely that his captors were already well aware that he was awake.

 “Ah, Master Jedi. I see you’re finally awake. Good, I was concerned we had not reached you in time,” A low voice croaked somewhere near Qui-Gon’s left ear. “Good. I was so hoping I would have the chance to break you myself.”

~x~x~x~

Weeks turned into months and finally Obi-Wan was beginning to venture out of his quarters with more regularity. He still wasn’t accepting missions from the Council- in fact, would rarely even accept to meet with the Council- and he avoided other Jedi as much as he could, but he wasn’t _completely_ isolating himself any longer.

Nightmares about his former Master still plagued him. Even now that Qui-Gon’s former quarters stood empty, waiting for a new Knight or Master to move in, Obi-Wan found himself compelled to knock on the door every once in a while, as though he was just _so certain_ that Qui-Gon would answer. Master Yoda told him that it was toxic guilt and that he _needed_ to let it go, but Obi-Wan was _certain_ that he could still feel Qui-Gon in the Force.

Part of him clung to this in desperate hopes that Qui-Gon would still be found alive one day. Maybe not by Jedi, but by _someone_. But the bigger part of him, the rational part of him, knew that there could be something far more sinister going on.

Thinking back to that horrible night, he tried to remember what happened before they were plunged into the cold, black water of that river.


End file.
